this one's not so bright.

tonight i experienced something deep. feelings more intense than I have felt in a long while, but they were so real.

TRUTH.

no one likes that word. no one wants to hear it. no one wants to submit to it. no one wants to deal with it. no one wants to spell it. no one wants to see it. no one wants to read about it. no one wants to scream about it, or even just speak of it.

but man when it hits you,

when you do feel it.

you can't hide it. you can't hold it in.

you have to share it.

THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE STUFF, what i am about to discuss.

but i challenge you to read it.

Tonight I went alongside a few people in holding a candle in rememberance of a brother, his name is Victor Steen. Victor was ran over by a police officer while riding his bicycle here in Pensacola, Florida on October 3, 2009 at 17 years old.

a tradgedy i didn't even become aware of until recently, when i moved back to pensacola from school. why is no one talking about this? how come people are trying to pretend this never happened?

I am not a reporter, heck, i am not even a writer.

i am not a police officer.

i am not black.

i am not a witness.

but, i am also not someone who is going to let this one slide.

tonight i stood next to Victor's sister and cousin and just listened. i listened to how the family is dealing with the loss of a brother, son, cousin, friend...they are suffering. they are in mourning. i listened to stories of Victor, how he loved children, was still a child himself, how he loved to play video games, was always willing to help. the Victor i was hearing about is not the one media portrays. not at all. i listened to how the family is coping. and how they really aren't able to cope. how they are being harassed even more after the death of their beloved. how in court they have been laughed at, for expecting compensation. they are being LAUGHED AT?

WHY ARE THEY BEING HARASSED? THEY ARE MOURNING. THEY ARE SUFFERING! yet they are being titled "enemy of the city" and their tires are being slashed, WHAT THE FUCK guys? how is this ok?

it makes me sick. where is the slightest sign of guilt?

he runs over a child, and laughs.

and even more sickening, how in the world is this police man in his right mind enough to be back out on the streets patrolling? this is what i don't understand. how do you kill someone, and bounce back so quickly. excuse me, i think i have asked the wrong question....how are you in your right mind mr. ard?

IS HUMANITY REALLY AS DISGUSTING AS I THOUGHT IT WAS, that human life is not even valued? white black black white, whatever. life is life. Victor Steen was a human being.

I personally just don't find it even civil. isn't it extreme to run someone over with a car? how is that not murder? how is that not deliberate? how is that an accident?

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. and i don't see how people can take it lightly.

everyone is so wrapped up in the details. "the gun." "why was he riding his bike so late at night?" the contents of his pockets. and nothing is matching up. hm. seems to me like they are looking for a story that isn't even there.

here is the story...he was a 17 year old child, killed. murdered. ran over by a car.

to me that is all it takes for me to know somehting is wrong. i don't need any other detail.

how come on the news, this is never stated?

that the night Victor was ran over he was writing a gospel song at his friends house.

&& even after all of this, Victor's sister still finds it in her to say "thank you Jesus."

the least we can do as a community is be there for the family.

we should not be getting caught up in details of the incident,

we need to come together,

we need to show love.

we need to be praying.

amen?

this is not radical.

this is real.

this is the tension that is alive in our city.

this is happening.

this is tragic.

i cannot sleep.

i hope this made you sick.

praise God. praise God.

he is worthy, his love is better than life.

I have put my hope in him.

problems like these make me so sad,

but i find hope in his redeeming love.

thank you Jesus. thank you Jesus.